Episode 38
The Smallest Way to Bring Connection Back
Coming back from a break — a holiday, a vacation, or even a few quiet days — can leave your relationship feeling a little… off. Not broken. Just fuzzy. Disconnected. Like you lost the thread.
In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck busts the myth that January requires a big relationship reset or a serious “state of the union” talk. Instead, she offers a gentler, nervous-system-friendly reframe: connection doesn’t come from effort or overhauls — it comes from attention.
You’ll learn why your body craves small, safe moments of presence after time away, and you’ll walk away with one simple sentence that helps you re-orient toward connection without forcing anything.
This episode is an invitation to stop working harder — and start noticing again.
In This Episode, We Explore:
- Why feeling disconnected after a break is completely normal
- The January myth that your relationship needs a “reset”
- How attention (not effort) rebuilds connection
- Why your nervous system prefers small, digestible moments
- One powerful micro-intention to anchor your week
Resources
- Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
- Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
- The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
- Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.
Disclaimer
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.
Transcript
You know that feeling when you come back from a break, whether it's a holiday pause, a vacation, or even just a few days off, and your brain feels a little foggy about where you left off?
That's exactly what happens in relationships too. Breaks can be wonderful and restorative, but they also pull our attention outward. So if you're starting off this year feeling a little disconnected or like you lost the thread for a minute, I wanna let you know it's normal. Truly, nothing about that means your relationship is off track. So welcome back to Coupled With and welcome back to your relationship.
January has this funny myth attached to it. Culturally, we treat the new year like it's supposed to magically reset everything. Our habits, our energy, our relationships.
And because of that, a lot of couples feel quiet pressure that now is the time to have some big conversation or make a giant shift. But here's the truth. Your relationship doesn't need a reset. It just needs your attention. Not effort, not performance, not a new year, new us moment. Just attention.
Here's the myth I wanna bust today.
You do not need a big relationship overhaul to start the year well. The couples who feel most connected in January are not the ones sitting down making resolutions or talking for hours about the state of their relationship. They're the ones who slowly bring their attention back to each other. Their presence comes online before their plans do.
t to offer you as a step into:Your nervous system doesn't want to intensify things right now. It wants gentleness. It wants small, digestible moments that feel safe enough for your body to say, ⁓ right, we know how to do this. We know how to find each other. So today is not about effort. It's about intention, microintention.
I want to give you one tiny tool,
one sentence that will help your body turn back towards connection without forcing anything. Here it is. What's one small way I want to show up in my relationship this week? That's it. One small way, not five, not a whole plan for the year, not a resolution or a promise.
Just a moment of attention that feels doable.
Let me give you some examples of what that might sound like. I want to look at them for two extra seconds when they talk.
I want to soften my shoulders when I walk into the room.
I want to check in once this week without an agenda.
I want to put my phone down when they sit next to me.
I want to say one true thing instead of holding it in.
Notice how none of that requires a big conversation. None of it demands emotional intensity or time you just don't have. These are tiny calibrations that shift the relational field from autopilot back into connection.
This is the nervous system version of cracking a window. We're not throwing open the whole door.
And here's the part that I really want you to hear. Whatever your intention is, it doesn't have to be profound. It just has to be honest. January is not the month to muscle your way back into closeness. It's the month to remember that connection is built through micro-moments consistently over time. Your attention, your presence,
your willingness to lean in just one inch more than you did last week. So as you step back into both this podcast and your relationship, ask yourself that one sentence. What's one small way I want to show up this week? Let that be your anchor. Let that be enough. Because it is enough.
And if you want to deepen this practice,
if you want support in not just setting intentions, but actually learning how to embody them week after week, that's exactly what I teach inside the attachment revolution. But for now, this little invitation is all your nervous system needs.
what we'll build together in:
